Every time you say yes to something, you in return say no to many more. Make sure you are saying yes to the right things
Growing up I was the biggest people pleaser. Okay, up to two years ago, I was a big people pleaser. My fear of making people upset with me controlled me. The problem is that it caused me to overbook, overpromise, stress, and ultimately fail at making anyone happy. It wasn’t until I starting setting boundaries that I realized how saying no could be so freeing. Now I know as a personal development blogger it usually seems like saying yes is the go to. We tell people to say yes to new opportunities, yes to hard work. Yes may seem like its the motto. The truth is that if we want to have longevity in pursuing happiness, good mental health, and success we have to say more.
So, what do you say NO to?
First Find Clarity
In order to understand what you will say no to you must understand what it is that you want. What are you saying yes to. So determine what it is that you want to become, what habits and practices you will have to adopt, and how you will accomplish it. In knowing what you want you can now determine what won’t help you achieve them. If happiness, health, success, and serenity is what you are looking for these are 10 things you need to say no to.
1. No to toxic people
In anything you want to achieve you can’t do it around toxic people. Toxic people are like vacuums. they suck energy, intention, and desire to accomplish things.
Instead say yes to people that motivate, inspire, and push you to reach your goals. Jason Silva, a philosopher, performed an experiment where he showed the effects of positive or negative reinforcement. He asked a group of participants to shoot hoops with an audience. First the would shoot take shots to see where their abilities were. Then the audience began to boo. The participants performance declined. Then they asked them to put a blindfold on and the audience cheered regardless if they made the shot or not. Then they asked the participants to take off their blindfold and shoot. Their performance increased significantly. You see people cheering or tearing you down does have an effect on your performance so choose wisely.
2. No to toxic environments
Have you ever had a job where just walking in to work you have to take a deep breath. Not because you hate what you do but because the atmosphere and the culture is toxic? Know that toxic environments can eventually affect your health mental and physical. Say no!
You may think you don’t have control over this but you have more control than you think. Interviews are not just you trying to wow them. It’s an opportunity to analyze if you are a good fit for each other. Ask questions in the interview. What’s the culture like? What is your management style? What is the longest people stay working for you? All of this things are indicators of what you can expect. In walking into any environment and committing to it ask questions!
3.No to Negative thoughts
Understand that while you are allowing negative thoughts to live in your mind you in return not allowing positive ones to grow. I have talked about this in other blogs about how we create our reality with our thoughts. Our brains doesn’t know what is real and what isn’t. Your mind makes the connection to what it sees, smells, touches, tastes, or hears. Make sure that your perspective is not negative. Because what might seem as background noise is actually running and creating your reality.
Instead make sure you are feeding and planting positive ones. I want you to try this. Anytime you catch yourself having negative thoughts I want you to one acknowledge it. Two correct it. So if you were thinking something was going to go wrong. Catch it. Then correct it by thinking everything will go magnificent. This might seem like small actions but small thoughts add up to believes.
4. No to Negative self talk
Stop the negative self talk. The same principle as negative thoughts applies to ourself talk. You see our thoughts and self talk seem so much like background noise that we don’t realize that slowly its running in the background. Slowly that background noise becomes louder than the truth and you find yourself wondering why you can’t do anything right, why you are not beautiful, why life is coming for you.
I have opened up to you about the fact that I use to not be confident. It wasn’t until I began to constantly and randomly tell myself ” you are beautiful ” or ” you are smart” that I began to feel beautiful and smart. I want you to constantly and randomly tell yourself how wonderful you are. Because it doesn’t matter how much people adore you, how much people praise you, or how much they awe over you, if you don’t tell yourself you are you won’t believe it.
5. No to Distractions And Procrastination
Joel Salatin, an author and farmer, says ” there is a time to smell the roses and the time is not right now.” If you know you need to work on a paper or presentation for work even if you are doing something good for you it becomes a distraction. For example, the other day I needed to start writing on a project I’m working on. I began to read instead. I was looking for a distraction to excuse my procrastination. I needed to call myself on it and correct it.
Say yes to structure. I know, I know, creative people don’t like schedules. I certainly use to hate them. But it wasn’t until I realized that when take control of our schedule is that we find freedom in our days. Work on a schedule that works. Set environments for each of them. So determine what, when, and where things are done during your day. It forces you to stay on a schedule. The first schedule you set won’t be perfect, continue to tweak it until you find one that works. For example, my schedule for when my daughter goes to school is different from the one now since she is on vacations. It’s a continues tweaking but always try to determine when you are most productive and leave those times for things that need your full attention.
6. No to Opportunities that don’t align with your goals.
Like I mentioned before people pleasing was my Achilles heel. My fear of letting people down or for the sake of seeing people happy I would say yes to everything. Shift coverage, yes. Business venture, yes. Favor, yes. Seminar, yes. The problem with that is that I committed to so many things that deep inside I really didn’t see myself doing all for the sake of keeping people happy. It wasn’t until I realized that by saying yes to things that didn’t match my goals,I was saying no to the things that did. The purpose of finding clarity is to also understand what you must say no to.
Instead of committing to a million things that don’t align its better to be honest. Let them know you will be supporting but from the side lines. It’s okay to say no.
7. No to Instant gratification
So your tiered, I get it. You work a 9-5 and you just want to come home and watch Netflix, I get it. The problem is that instant gratification is like doing meth. You get your momentary high. Then after time you find yourself looking for that instant high that you stop doing your everyday things, then before you know it, you have lost it all! Now as extreme as this example may sound apply it to anything. You rather go sit on couch than go workout, or read, or start something meaningful. Watch that add up, years pass by and you are still on the couch wondering where life has gone. You have made no progress.
Whenever you feel like I rather do nothing than to work I want to to tell yourself just get up. Teach your brain to obey orders. This practice is used by many neurologist when someone gets hurt. Practice doing this. Work yourself up to working 5 minutes. Chances are once you start you will be able to continue. Sometimes we just need that little push to get us off the starting line.
8. No to Excuses
Excuses are fake justifications as to why you don’t want to do something. If the project, work, or exercise is aligned with your goals, do it already! Excuses only keep us from achieving what we want. They serve no good purpose. We don’t need them.
Learn to acknowledge when you are creating excuses and call yourself on it. Saying no to yourself is the most powerful thing you can do. Mel Robbins says that as children we have parents who make us do things like eating, brushing our teeth, going to bed at a decent hour, and doing our homework. We must now parent ourselves. Don’t allow yourself to create excuses. You will thank yourself later for having the discipline to do the work that needed to be done.
9. No to Other people’s urgencies
Let me guess, you wake up in the morning to the sound of your alarm. As you grab your phone to turn off your phone you notice you have 10 emails, 4 messages, 7 tweets, snaps, pokes, likes blah blah blah. Then you allow the outside world to catch your attention. You see yourself one hour later, still in bed. Attaching chiles, scrolling, liking, poking etc. Now you take a moment and wonder why you are so overwhelmed. You allowed the outside world to fill you with their agencies before breakfast!
Set boundaries! I wake up at about 6-7 am I don’t get any notifications until 9 or 10 am. There are apps, and functions on your phone that allow you to silent the world until you are ready for it. If we are the most alert, and creative in the morning why waste it on consuming. Spend your most creative hour, creating!
10. No To guilt
Stop feeling guilty for saying no. No to the noise, no to the world and their urgencies and no to things that don’t serve you.
Everytime you say no I want you to think what you are saying yes to. You are giving up one thing to achieve another. Remember,
You can do anything, but not everything
Say no to Obstacles
You are more capable than you think. You are smarter, and more resilient than you give yourself credit. Remember, you can do this!