A while back as I finished hanging out with a friend I noticed that I felt emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. It took me a while to understand why I felt this way but I finally realized this person was toxic! I know we’ve all been there where we encounter someone that just seems to attract negativity, drama, and you can’t help but end up drained. Its not in your head, this person has toxic tendencies. So, how do you know if someone is toxic, why its hard to let hem go, and how do you deal with them? As someone that has had to manage some toxic people, I’ve had friends who were toxic and unfortunately I’ve also been in a toxic relationship before. I want to share the 11 signs, tendencies, or traits I found in those toxic people.
What makes someone toxic?
A toxic person is someone who is abusive, unsupportive, and unhealthy emotionally for you. Someone who is not supportive of you and your decisions. Even though when we think of toxic people we think of a romantic partner, toxic people in your life can also be your friends, co-workers, or neighbors. Toxicity can sometimes be hard to detect unless someone is shameless about the way they act or treat you. So before they get to that end where they affect you physically, mentally, or emotionally, here are 11 traits to look out for in people that indicate they might be toxic.
With these type of people there is something always going on! Drama, drama, drama. Someone is always doing them wrong. The problem is that if you are too focused on drama you are not focused on what matters. These people tend to suck your time with their endless drama. Be careful or you might end up part of it as well.
Like focusing on drama, toxic people also tend to focus on what is going wrong. They always find something negative to say. Negativity is their default mode. It is so hard to have a conversation with them because negativity is an energy drainer. To have a conversation with a negative Nancy is like getting your energy sucked out by the chupa cabras. We have to remember that we are our environment and the people that surround us. The more we hang out with negative people, the more likely it is to become negative and toxic.
3.Spot light suckers/Narcissist
The thing though is that besides them sucking the positivity out of you they also high jack the conversation. Its always about them. They always want to have the floor to talk about how work is so unfair, how their boss is out to get them. How their co-workers are evil and how the are the victims of everything. They love to talk about themselves. So much so that in these type of relationships you feel the person doesn’t know you, and you don’t feel supported.
4. Innocent victims
Toxic people always want you to know how the world is doing them wrong. They never take responsibility for their part in anything. Their objective is to make you feel bad for them. It makes it hard for you to walk away from them. I feel like toxic victims mode is the most dangerous trait because it make toxic people seem like the good guy. The paint a picture so good that when they complain, gossip, or high jack a conversation you allow it. You see it how they see it! You joining in on their pain! You so badly want them to have a break from the horrible people in their lives… Until you hear the whole story.
These type of people always want to control what you do, who you hang out with, they get upset when they don’t have control because they feel you might do them wrong aka do something they don’t approve. They start by questioning your options or decisions. If allowed they will reach a point of telling you what they think it’s best for you! Yikes. The only person allowed to do that is you! Your life, your decisions.
They get jealous if you hang out with someone else, if you talk to some one else. If you even look at someone else they feel you are already being unfaithful as a partner or friend. Which again, goes back to them wanting to control you.
They criticize everything you do or others do. They usually are gossipers. They gossip about everyone at the office, in your friend group, in your family. They always have something to say about everyone. Judgemental people will always say they are just ”keeping it real” or ” telling it like it is”
8. Lies/ excuses
Toxic people tend to lie and come up with excuses for their behavior. Its never them its the circumstance that made them do it. Its always some excuse with them. In relationships this is the person that cheats on you and then blames you for doing so “you were suffocating me.” ” You made me feel like I needed to escape” “I did it because you made me mad” Blah blah blah. Lies are deceitful and excuses are manipulative.
They project on you how they feel about themselves. They make you feel bad. They say things that they know are hurtful but they hide behind, again, ”I’m keeping it real” or “its the truth though” If someone makes you feel bad about yourself they don’t deserve you!!
No one is better than them. They are always right, they always know best, which is why they feel its okay for them to judge, which is why its everyone else’s fault not their. They feel they are the smartest in the room which is why it is okay for them to control you, they know what is best for you. Their tone in voice always imply arrogance, judgement, and say things in a negative tone.
Before I continue I think it’s very important to say the following: If their toxicity begins to affect your self-esteem. If their presence in your life in danger your physical, mental, or emotional health, WALK AWAY! You don’t need to deal with them, it doesn’t matter who they are, it doesn’t matter you know them.
Many times people like these are hard to get rid of because they are people that are just part of your day and it’s out of your control, like a co-worker. They are in your life by association, maybe they are a friend of a friend, or maybe your partner’s friend. They have become part of your life. I know they are hard to deal with but don’t necessarily need to let them drain you. Here are some things I had to learned to deal with toxic people.
Limit you time with them
The less time you spend with them the better. Remember that we are out environment and the people we surround ourselves with. So if you spend time with toxic people, you are more likely to pick up their tendencies.
Be clear about your boundaries and don’t allow them to step allover them. People with toxic tendencies like to push limits. They like to see with how much they get away with. Be firm. It’s better to be clear and firm, people will respect you more because they will know exactly what to expect when they interact with you.
It’s always good to be intentional when walking in to any situation but it is even more important when dealing with people with toxic tendencies. Make sure you know how you want your interaction to go that way you don’t end up drained.
It may be hard to stay positive around these kind of people but it is always better to. Don’t let their toxicity poison your energy. It’s okay to let them know you don’t like to talk about negative subjects. It’s your life after all. You decide what type of energies, comments, thoughts, and actions govern your mind.
Remember, you can do this!
Written by: Lupita G.