Oh, Valentines Day. Who loves this holiday? To be honest with you I don’t know where I stand with this holiday. What I do know is that we can’t avoid it. Every where you go right now you can’t avoid the valentine’s day chocolates, flowers, and balloons.
It’s all great and dandy if you have a significant other. In that case it’s an anticipation to the celebration right? The wondering what they will get you or what the plans will be. What if your single though? This holiday can become a sad reminder of how single you are. Or is it?
As someone that will be spending her first Valentine’s day single in over ten years, this definitely was on my mind. I wondered if I was going to feel sad, lonely, or emotional. I’m not going to lie, I have done a lot of self growth these past couple year, I really hadn’t focused in the love department though. So yes, this holiday made me a tad bit nervous. The closer the day came though, it became more of a celebration. A self love celebration.
The more I practice self love, the more I realize how much I still had things to heal, and how much healing is attracting love into my life. So, why should we practice self love? How can we do it? What do we get out of it?
Let me first explain why I began this self love journey. I had just gotten my heart broken by someone who I thought was my future. I realized he didn’t feel quite the same way. My heart felt like it had gotten shattered into pieces. Sure, I was sad about the the guy but I was much more sad for how much time I had wasted. This guy had taken up so much of mental space that I kind of lost myself. I don’t regret the time I gave him, this experience taught me a lot. It is the part where I allowed the idea of him to take over other areas of my life. When I came to that realization I decided to get back to me. I wanted to understand why this kept happening.
Now, this idea that you one day wake up and you love yourself because you decided to, is bogus. As personal development bloggers, speakers, coaches, and writers we need to stop selling this idea. This idea you one day wake, decide to change, and boom you do it. It sets people up for failure. That’s because if you can’t change just because you decide to then you must be past hope. Change must not be for you. Wrong! Change takes time. You do need to make the decision to start addressing it though. From there you continuously work on it.
After a couple of sad songs, three glasses of wine, and many tears later, I asked myself why I allowed this to happen? Why I always felt the need to give more, to love more, and to hold on tighter? It made me realize that I still had things I needed to heal that I hadn’t admitted to myself before. So, after soul searching I realized that I was so afraid of being abandoned. That I did everything to avoid this sad event. It came from me watching my dad pass away at a young age. Watching him fade away before my eyes brought a lot of insecurity. I didn’t understand why he didn’t stay. I begged him to keep fighting for his life. On a surface level, I understood that there was nothing we could do. Emotionally and psychologically, I felt for so long that I wasn’t enough for him to stay.
Once I made that discovering I began to heal that wound and I understood where I was coming from. I held on to people even when they were not good for me because I needed to prove I was enough. (I think many of our problems begin there and I’ll make a separate blog about this topic. ) For now, this is where I began my self love journey.
It was time to make myself enough. I started to get to know myself, prioritize myself, and in many ways date myself. I started doing things I hadn’t done in a while. All the love, affection, and time I had focused on other people, it was time to make it mine. The amazing thing is that I realized I didn’t need someone to do things with me. For so long, and I’m sure you have felt this, that we feel silly going out alone, eating alone. We worry about how people see us. However, you can do things by yourself, and enjoy them. So start taking taking yourself out to dinner, for ice cream etc. Start speaking to yourself kindly. Do all the amazing things you would do for others to the most important person in your life, you. You’ll begin to realize how much you are more than enough. How much you don’t need someone to validate you.
Realizing what you bring to the table
In realizing you are enough you also realize what you bring to the table in a relationship. You understand that your love, time, and attention is so valuable. When you love yourself, you will start to realize that people pick up on that. Your presence feels different to people. You exude your self love and two things will happen. People will be attracted to your self love. Or they will know they could never love you the way you can love yourself and they will walk away. In that case you are better off …
Good news, I was able to let go of that guy gracefully. I wish him the best.
Written by: Lupita G.