Oh Valentine. The holiday many count down for and the holiday many dread. Specially if you are going through a break-up. The idea of turning on your phone and scrolling through endless post of “happy “couples. The kissing, and hugging, it can be cringing. A constant reminder of the relationship you no longer have. I’ve been there and if you are there today, I want to help you through this difficult moment. So, how can you get over a break successfully? Lets talk about 8 things to do after a break-up.
No Need to diss
I know that it is tempting to diss your ex online, specially if they hurt you. This feeling of needing to let people know what a huge bleep they are can cause us to act in a less than classy ways. Breathe, telling the world will not make things better long run. It will not take away the pain, and most definitely won’t make them come back. Yes, this includes the subliminal picture, or post. Just don’t do it.
Social Media cleanse
Unfollowing them might feel like letting go of that last hope. Do it! When you try to hold on to something that is gone you are keeping yourself from really going through the grieving process and starting your next chapter. Cleanse your social media platforms. You can also mute friends that share couple related post. While you may be happy for them, seeing triggering post is also not mentally healthy. Never feel guilty for wanting to take a step back, putting your phone down, or cleansing your social media platforms. This is not an easy process, don’t make it harder by allowing triggers to be at your palm.
Allow your emotions to be
The cliché idea that in order to get over someone you must get under another is so unhealthy! Don’t bust out your phone to see whom you can swipe on, like, or DM. Allow your emotions to be! Grieving is so important. This was a person you shared moments with and felt connected to. Cry, feel, cry again. The more you allow your feelings to flow, the more you allow them to flow through you. When we pretend we are okay and try to move on we make the mistake of suppressing emotions. Just because you pretend you don’t feel sad it doesn’t mean that your grieving emotions don’t exist. The only way to get through it is to go through it.
Reconnect with your tribe
Relationships can be very consuming at times. We are so immersed with the love, the affection, even the arguments. So much so that we tend to neglect our other relationships. Make sure that through the break-up you reach out to your loved ones. Reconnect with your tribe. Laughing with friends can be so therapeutic. Feeling the love from family can make things a bit less painful. The more you feel like isolating, the more you should reach out to someone.
Reconnect with yourself
Get to know yourself again. What do you like to do? Take yourself out to a nice dinner. Find a hobby. Dive in to getting to know yourself again. Learning to do life alone is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. You don’t need a partner to feel complete. You can be and feel whole alone. It’s a process, it will take time but learning what you love about yourself, what you enjoy doing will help you for your next relationship, or to enjoy your alone time even more.
They weren’t the one
They weren’t the one, it might not feel like that at first but you broke-up for a reason. Something just wasn’t working. I know that when we love someone we tend to ignore the parts that just don’t click. We want so badly for someone to complete us that we are willing to over look a thing or two. Even after the break up sometimes we want them to come back that we grip on to versions of them that seem perfect. Get honest, get real. Make a list of why your ex wasn’t the one.
What did you learn?
No relationship is a waste of time. The relationships we encounter are a reflection of where we are in life. They teach us not only about what we want, what we don’t, but also on what we need to work on ourselves. Think about it, what did you learn? This is why we allow ourselves to grief so we can then see the bigger picture and the lessons we learned.
Self-love, Self-compassion, and self-care
Give it time, I know at this moment it may feel like the pain you feel is going to last forever. The pain feels like your heart is shattering into a million pieces. Trust the process, don’t try to rush it, don’t try to suppress your feelings, and give your self lots of love. If you feel like you are moving forward but then seem to miss them again, be compassionate with yourself. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. You will get to a point where thinking of them doesn’t equal feeling a stab in the heart. Still needing support? Don’t hesitate to follow me on Instagram. I offer quotes, tips, and support. Know you are not alone in this.
Written by: Lupita G.